A Single Gal's Advice

It's been The Kat Show for a couple of days around here -- apparently one side affect of my profound Seasonal Affect Disorder is the inability to be funny. I have a few dating theories and thoughts about Mars & Venus I'd like to test out, but I don't think right now is the appropriate time. So for now, hot off the dating scene, you get some advice from a tried and true single gal.

1) Call when you say you're going to call. If you say "I'll call you on Sunday," that's what I thnk is happening. I know that in your guybrain, that means "Eh, I"ll call you sooner or later, whenever I'm thinking about it," but in my girlbrain, it means I'm scheduled into your PDA. If you don't want to call me, don't say you're going to call. Once you set expectations, I start to wonder why those expectations aren't being met. So do us all a favor, and be accountable.

As somebody wise once wrote:

"Calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you're building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you aint never gonna have a house baby. And it's cold outside."

1a) If we've had sex, by all means, you need to call me within the next 24 hours, or you are a certifiable douchebag, and I'll probably never speak to you (let alone sleep with you) again. If I DO have such little self-respect to grace you with the pleasure of my company after such douchebaggery, then frankly, I deserve to be treated a little bit like crap. Men -- a quality woman won't even respond to this type of behavior. If you're looking at vetting out a possible long-term relationship, you've done so right there.

Alas, we teach others how to treat us.

2) Pick the restaurant. Better yet, pick a couple and let me choose... it makes me feel like I'm getting to go somewhere of my choosing, but it prevents me from having to do the mental rundown and stress about where YOU'D like to go. Ideally, have this picked out before you even pick up the phone to call (and yes, I said call -- none of that texting garbage -- we covered that a few days ago). Nobody likes the awkward "Uh, I dunno, where od you want to go?" If I can offer you one word of advice, it's to talk to a female friend or relative approximately your age, and ask her for THREE suggestions of good first date spots for dinner/ drinks. Keep those in your arsenal. Shit, put them on speed dial. You'll look like a rock star every time you need a reservation, and with that trifecta of hot spots in your palm, you'll always have a good suggestion for a first date.

3) Open the door, take her coat, pay the bill. Sigh. I don't really care whether or not a guy opens doors for me, but what I HATE is when the guy doesn't GET to the door fast enough to open it for me, but then does that "chivalric guy fumble," where he tries to get to the door before me. Either I stand there in front of the door, not opening it and looking like a dumbass, or I fling it open in such a way that your manhood is compromised and you think "damn, she won't even let me open the door." Be one step ahead. Help me take my coat off and on -- it's sweet. And a firm hand on the middle / lower back as you let me walk ahead of you while the hostess seats us... well, that just sends chills down my spine.

And the bill comes. Fellas, this one just isn't up for discussion. It's the first date. PAY. Do not let me. I'll offer, and if you let me, I'll split it with you without hesitation, but on the first date, or th first FEW dates... PAY THE BILL. Trust me, this will always make you look good. After several dates, she'll probably start reciprocating or splitting it with you (or at least, I will, and most of my girlfriends will as well). If she doens't... then it's up to you how to proceed. Either you decide she's a golddigger and dump her, or you talk about it, or you happily keep picking up the check knowing that she's the best investment you've ever made.

4) Let me help you too. I think it's awesome that there are men in my life who will clean my gutters, mow the lawn, insulate my attic, and hang the curtains if necessary. Truthfully, I can do most of that stuff myself, I'd just rather not. That said, I take great pride and joy in the girlie aspects of my life (clothing, cooking, home decor, entertaining), and as the woman in your life, I want to help you with that stuff. One of the most wonderful things a past boyfriend once asked me to do was to help him grocery shop in such a way that he could make healthy food at home. YES! Just like you like to show love by doing things for me, I like to show love (and feel very appreciated!) when you let me share my knowledge and abilities as well.

5) Tell me I'm pretty. Or beautiful. Sometimes I want to be told I'm hot, sexy, incredible... but nothing warms my heart like the word pretty. And nothing makes me feel more confident around you than knowing you are happy to have me on your arm. That confidence, in turn, makes me a lot more fun to be around, and a lot less crazy when we're not together.

That's all I've got for tonight -- The Office is on, and it's hard to write about romance with a 46" Michael Scott holding up a blue satin eye pillow on pause on my TiVo.

Check back later this week for thoughts on my Sexistential Crisis, Sexpectations, and The Singlehood Bell Curve.

Sugar and spice,

~Jessica