Dear Old Fashioned & Obsolete,
Back when I was in 7th Grade Home Ec class**, we had to do this stupid workbook assignent each week that was basically about self esteem and self awareness. The ONLY thing that I remember from this course, other than how to make chicken nuggets in the oven, is a tool discussed in the workbook -- the Three Legged Stool of Self Confidence. I don't have any clue what those three legs were, but the point is that self confidence was like a three legged stool, and if any of those legs was wobbly, unstable, shorter or thinner than the other, the stool wouldn't hold up to weight. Thus, it was important to be a well-rounded individual, made of equal parts of hard wood.
Or something like that.
When it comes right down to it, a relationship isn't that different -- it's a three legged stool,*** comprised of equal parts of physical intimacy, emotional connection, and intellectual stimulation. If any of those pieces are missing or unstable, the whole structure suffers, and ultimately, can't bear weight. NOW, do I think that means you should hop into bed with everybody on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date? Absolutely not. I mean, if you both WANT to do that, go for it -- but I don't think that's necessary, and frankly, I usually find it refreshing when the guy doesn't ASSUME that's happening. I'm a little old fashioned about such issues -- been known to wait MONTHS before doing the deed with a new boyfriend -- but penetration or no, if I don't feel like this guy WANTS me... I lose interest.
WHY? Because as previously addressed in this blog, I wanna be the girl.
I want to be chased.
I want to be WANTED.
We spend hours dreaming up outfits and picking shoes, say nothing of makeup and gossip and waxing pink parts, all in the hopes that it's not without reason -- so while we're probably ALSO not committed or keyed up about hopping in the sack after 2 dinners and a movie, we've also gone to a LOT of trouble to look and feel sexy and desirable -- and we're not mind readers, and we want to know that you're feelin' it.
And if you're not, I'm pretty sure that makes us... Just... Friends.
As Kat indicated below, the relationship has to be moving forward in ALL directions -- firing on all cylinders, as I like to say -- in order to remain balanced. Some people kiss on the first date. Some people don't. Shrug. I think that's fine either way -- but a warm goodnight hug, after you've walked me to my car and opened the door, goes a really long way. A kiss on the cheek is never a bad idea. Or a hand on my lower back. SOMETHING to let me know that you want to touch me. Date #2 is a great time for some hand holding, maybe a kiss goodnight. And if on Date #3 I'm at your house MAKING YOU DINNER and then curling up to watch some TV after hours of intense conversation / bonding? Maybe I'm an idiot, but isn't that code for, "Let's make out and see if we have physical chemistry?"
Because, uh, I decoded that one in about 9th grade and haven't been wrong since.
All of this, O & O F'd****, hopefully leads up to THE BIG O -- and no, I'm not talking about the Obsolescence of Old fashioned values -- I'm talking about the kind of smokin' connection and ultimate sexual compatability that happens when a woman feels valued, appreciated, and understood on ALL levels-- physical, emotional, intellectual.
We're a little more complicated than you, yaknow, and it takes a little more to make us tick.
When you ignore us sexually, that's a huge part of the equation. Everytime you shut a woman out, you might as well be making kindling out of that three-legged stool. Little by little, the whole structure falls apart.
SO! My advice to you? Grow a pair! Haha! That's SO mean,***** and I'm terribly sorry about that,****** but seriously. You're a grown man. Stop whining. Stop putting a woman off. Make her feel like a desirable, sexy, woman -- she's not just your buddy, she's your DATE. Don't compromise your values, morals, or change WHO you are. But up your game a bit -- I guarantee it'll get you to the playoffs.
Sugar and spice,
~Jess
*Um, no -- that doesn't stand for Old Fashioned & Obsolete
**Excuse me, Personal and Family Life Sciences, PFLS for short (Prounounced, "Piffles." Gag me).
***Insert obvious joke here about your third leg, ahem, made of wood
****Nope, "F'd" doesn't stand for what you think it does
*****Whoa, did Kat and I switch places here? I thought I was the nice one!
******No I'm not, actually
Back when I was in 7th Grade Home Ec class**, we had to do this stupid workbook assignent each week that was basically about self esteem and self awareness. The ONLY thing that I remember from this course, other than how to make chicken nuggets in the oven, is a tool discussed in the workbook -- the Three Legged Stool of Self Confidence. I don't have any clue what those three legs were, but the point is that self confidence was like a three legged stool, and if any of those legs was wobbly, unstable, shorter or thinner than the other, the stool wouldn't hold up to weight. Thus, it was important to be a well-rounded individual, made of equal parts of hard wood.
Or something like that.
When it comes right down to it, a relationship isn't that different -- it's a three legged stool,*** comprised of equal parts of physical intimacy, emotional connection, and intellectual stimulation. If any of those pieces are missing or unstable, the whole structure suffers, and ultimately, can't bear weight. NOW, do I think that means you should hop into bed with everybody on the 1st, 2nd, 3rd date? Absolutely not. I mean, if you both WANT to do that, go for it -- but I don't think that's necessary, and frankly, I usually find it refreshing when the guy doesn't ASSUME that's happening. I'm a little old fashioned about such issues -- been known to wait MONTHS before doing the deed with a new boyfriend -- but penetration or no, if I don't feel like this guy WANTS me... I lose interest.
WHY? Because as previously addressed in this blog, I wanna be the girl.
I want to be chased.
I want to be WANTED.
We spend hours dreaming up outfits and picking shoes, say nothing of makeup and gossip and waxing pink parts, all in the hopes that it's not without reason -- so while we're probably ALSO not committed or keyed up about hopping in the sack after 2 dinners and a movie, we've also gone to a LOT of trouble to look and feel sexy and desirable -- and we're not mind readers, and we want to know that you're feelin' it.
And if you're not, I'm pretty sure that makes us... Just... Friends.
As Kat indicated below, the relationship has to be moving forward in ALL directions -- firing on all cylinders, as I like to say -- in order to remain balanced. Some people kiss on the first date. Some people don't. Shrug. I think that's fine either way -- but a warm goodnight hug, after you've walked me to my car and opened the door, goes a really long way. A kiss on the cheek is never a bad idea. Or a hand on my lower back. SOMETHING to let me know that you want to touch me. Date #2 is a great time for some hand holding, maybe a kiss goodnight. And if on Date #3 I'm at your house MAKING YOU DINNER and then curling up to watch some TV after hours of intense conversation / bonding? Maybe I'm an idiot, but isn't that code for, "Let's make out and see if we have physical chemistry?"
Because, uh, I decoded that one in about 9th grade and haven't been wrong since.
All of this, O & O F'd****, hopefully leads up to THE BIG O -- and no, I'm not talking about the Obsolescence of Old fashioned values -- I'm talking about the kind of smokin' connection and ultimate sexual compatability that happens when a woman feels valued, appreciated, and understood on ALL levels-- physical, emotional, intellectual.
We're a little more complicated than you, yaknow, and it takes a little more to make us tick.
When you ignore us sexually, that's a huge part of the equation. Everytime you shut a woman out, you might as well be making kindling out of that three-legged stool. Little by little, the whole structure falls apart.
SO! My advice to you? Grow a pair! Haha! That's SO mean,***** and I'm terribly sorry about that,****** but seriously. You're a grown man. Stop whining. Stop putting a woman off. Make her feel like a desirable, sexy, woman -- she's not just your buddy, she's your DATE. Don't compromise your values, morals, or change WHO you are. But up your game a bit -- I guarantee it'll get you to the playoffs.
Sugar and spice,
~Jess
*Um, no -- that doesn't stand for Old Fashioned & Obsolete
**Excuse me, Personal and Family Life Sciences, PFLS for short (Prounounced, "Piffles." Gag me).
***Insert obvious joke here about your third leg, ahem, made of wood
****Nope, "F'd" doesn't stand for what you think it does
*****Whoa, did Kat and I switch places here? I thought I was the nice one!
******No I'm not, actually
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