The guy I'm dating right now refers to Valentine's Day as "Christmas for Girls." He seems to buy into the common belief that this day is a huuuuuuuuuuuuuuuge day of major importance for women.Is it?
I'll tell you what -- the older I get, the less things like this matter to me. Lest I should sound like an old woman, I will tell you that my favorite way to spend New Years Eve is to invite over my closest friends for food, drinks, board games and movies. Sure, I love to entertain... but the REAL reason is because I can wear slipper socks instead of thigh highs, go to bed early, and I don't have to drive anywhere.
I have similar thoughts about Valentine's Day, but to put a finer point on it, I've realized that when you have "the real thing," you don't really need the flimsy veneer of flowers, chocolates, champagne, and jewelry.
By that I mean -- in the relationships of my past (read: insecure, unsatisfying, unstable, and just plain WRONG), the material / symbolic things seemed SO important -- I needed a dozen roses, a little blue box from Tiffany's, and a bottle of champagne over candlelight to tell me "I love you, and you are special."
Last year, I was officially single but still very close with my ex... I'd been in Mexico over the holiday, but he picked me up and brought me home from the airport. And brought me home to a spotlessly clean house, courtesy of him -- and I said "You could have saved so much money over the years if all you'd done was this." And it's true! I didn't need bracelets and earrings and flowers (oh my!) to feel loved, what I needed was to be shown that MY efforts in the relationship were not only appreciated, but duplicated (in prior years, when he was my boyfriend, the day had always consisted of a fancy dinner, champagne, roses, and usually some sort of gift -- it was always nice, and always thoughtful, but NEVER what I really needed, mostly because it was a half-assed attempt at making up for the 100 ways our relationship didn't work, and the other 364 days of the year that he didn't really care to try any harder).
Maybe it's the wisdom that comes with age, or maybe I'm just finally in the right relationship, but this year, I couldn't care less about all the things that Hallmark & Cosmo tell me I should care about.
I've got the guy, and plans to spend the weekend together (albeit in an AmericInn just outside of Fargo, attending a wedding for two people I've never met before), and quite simply, that is all I need.
In a relationship where -- finally, magically, beautifully -- I know EXACTLY where I stand, the rest seems completely insignificant. And I'm pretty sure he feels the same. Knowing that I'm respected, appreciated, admired, and adored... no bouquet of flowers could ever compare.
And that, my friends, is the best gift of all... retail be damned.
I'm interested in hearing from you -- what's important to you on Valentine's Day? In your relationship? What special things do you do to celebrate? Guys, how do YOU feel about celebrating? Women, what do you need/ expect from your guys? And most importantly, why have we allowed ourselves to get to the point where we focus all our energies on ONE "day of love" when we should be caring for each other all year round?
Sugar and spice,
~Jess
