Since Kat and I have found ourselves in happy relationships (gasp!), there hasn't been much to write* about as of late. I've decided to resurrect the blog, taking a slightly different angle.
I have this friend -- we'll call her Amy because, uh, that's her name. Amy is what I refer to as your classic "inexplicably single girl." She's in her mid-30s, smart, successful, attractive, fun, medium-maintenance, low on the drama, high on humor, and an all around catch.
Why is Amy single? Well, aside from the fact that like many of us she spent most of her 20s dating commitmentphobes and douchebags, she's also a dedicated professional, and devoted daughter/sister/friend/aunt/puppy mom, and a disciplined musician -- all things that take a ton of time, effort and energy. And even though I can't figure out why some guy hasn't snapped her up, when I look at the long list of her priorities, it makes perfect sense -- it's a trap that most young women fall into. We get very focused on meeting our own needs (as we should) and suddenly there's not enough time to look for Mr. Right, say nothing of the time to nurture and grow a relationship.
It was en route home from one of our many "sushi and girltalk" nights when I commented on the above, and her response, laughing was, "Well, I don't know, can't you FIX IT?"**
Thus, "Operation Fix It" was born.
For phase 1 of "Fix It," Amy joined E-Harmony... an online dating service that differentiates from the competition by solely offering a "Matching" system, vs. the "boyfriend shopping" that comes with most other dating sites -- you fill out a series of rather intense questionares, and EH claims to use very sophisticated "compatability software" to match you with your soul mate***
BUT -- I am somebody who has really enjoyed the conversational, "strike up random conversation with whomever floats your boat" nature of other dating sites like Match.com -- I look at it like a giant cocktail party, where you see somebody that interests you, and randomly strike up conversation. I've been told by numerous sources that those who HATE match.com love EH, and vice versa. I know that Amy didn't enjoy Match the last time she did it, so I figured this would be a good idea for her.
Instantly, there were a few contenders, but one definitely stood out from the crowd: dog owner, philanthropist, career-oriented, home-owner... all things that are important and similar to Amy's lifestyle and desire for a partner. They emailed back and forth a few times, had a few wonderful phone calls, and then set out on Date 1.
Amy is a lot nicer than I am****, but I think I summed up her date in 20 seconds on Saturday at our girls night --
"Nice guy. Asked her lots of questions. Outdated pictures. Unhealthy body weight. Looks like somebody's uncle. And sweated profusely throughout dinner. Wait, he asked you that question already. Could it be that he is so obsessed with the Twins game in the bar that HE CAN'T FULLY FOCUS ON HIS DATE? Next!"
And.......... scene.
So Date 1 of Operation Fix It was a bust -- but here are the positives:
Amy got out there. She identified something about her life she'd like to change -- namely, she wants to find a partner - and made some changes in her life accordingly (dropped a few "extra curriculars"). She stepped outside her comfort zone and tried something new, and gave somebody a chance. And ENJOYED the process, with a fun attitude.
The negatives? I have only two:
They waited too long to meet (this might be why I don't like EH), thus building up way too many expectations. I'm of the "meet 'em and greet 'em and love 'em and leave 'em" attitude, meaning: let's cut to the chase, have a drink, see if there's chemistry, and if not, we both walk away unscathed. It's all about timing -- with EH, you are sort of FORCED to have a long "get to know you period." I don't like that. Becasue then if it doesn't click in person, you actually mourn the loss a bit... like losing a friend, a last call goodnight, or a mini-breakup. Also -- my totally-negative-but-accurate-advice is always "DON'T GET EXCITED!" Look forward to meeting the new guy, but don't build up too many expectations.
Online dating is a numbers game -- much like real estate and busses, there's always another choice right around the corner*****.
Phase 2 of Operation Fix It will most likely include a round of speed dating... where some girlfriends and I sit at the bar, watch, snark, and take notes. Stay tuned!
Sugar and spice.
~Jess
PS: If any MEN actually read this and want to be set up with my pal, email me at chicksonchicks@gmail.com. There will be a qualifying process, but I'd love to find a GREAT guy for my fabulous friend!
*read: whine, bitch, complain, snark, and criticize
**apparently I've earned a reputation as somewhat of a match-maker / dating guru among my friends
***I've done EHarmony twice now, and frankly, think this is bullshit -- I don't think that my dream guy is a CPA, programmer, or a born again Christian that doesn't drink, but what do I know...
****And I think I'm nicer than Kat, so I'd love to see what SHE has to say about this.
*****My dad gave me this advice about real estate when I was embarking upon my first home-buying experience -- well, technically, he gave this advice to my BROTHER, who chose not to listen to him like the stubborn youngest-child that he is, but then later, my brother repeated this advice to me on behalf of dear old dad. I'm sure my brother AND father will be thrilled to know that I've recycled their advice in my racy blog on dating, sex, men, and crazy chicks.
