Sunday, November 30, 2008

Let's Talk Turkey.

I don't know about the rest of you, but it's just not a holiday without a hefty dose of crazy family drama! Of course, here in the chickadee lounge, we're a bit more interested in hearing drama about your non-familial women -- c'mon, c'mon, c'mon... I know SOME of you must have some awesome stories. Girlfriend meltdowns? Mother-in-law drama? Fiance freakouts? Not-yet-official-girlfriends who are PO'd that you didn't spend the holidays with them? Alcohol-induced chickbrain overload?

Spill, dudes. Email us at chicksonchicks@gmail.com and show us whatcha got...

Sugar and spice,
~Jess

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Anonymous' Question


Anon! Anon! You asked us a question in the comments section and it got totally lost! I'm sorry!

So here's her question:

I had a first date with a guy I met on the Internet on Wednesday. Prior to the date we had spoken on the phone several times and exchanged a few texts. The date went well and at the end of the date as he was dropping me off, he kissed me quite passionately and asked if he could come up. I said no not this time and that I wanted to wait until I got to know him better. He expressed how attractive he found me and that he couldn't wait to see me again. He drove off and I went up to bed. Got a call from him later saying how much he liked me and that he thinks that I am beautiful. The next day (Thursday) I had a short business trip to Las Vegas, just for the day. He knew about this trip. Once on the plane as I reach down to turn my phone off, I realize I don't have my phone. I have left it in the car. Oh well. I am with my boss on the plane and I am still connected to the office through him. I go about my day and fly back. Get in my car and notice 2 texts from him. The first one saying at 8am "Hope you slept well" and the second asking how my flight was at 11am. I respond a telling him about forgetting my phone and explaining my crazy day then asking him how his day was. This text was sent at about 7:30pm. Since that, no word from him. Ok…what's the deal? Should I be thanking my lucky stars that I avoided getting more involved with someone who is clearly a bit crazy OR was he really not that into me? Confused in California

CIC, Can I call you Cack? Just cuz I want to? Cool. Thanks.

I have a story to tell - in its own very special manner - it may also be an answer:

I had a guy friend about 4 years ago that was an AVID match.com'er, we'll call him Himbo. Actually, I think I was on match, saw Himbo and we reconnected on a PURELY platonic level. Here's why: About a week into our daily IM chat sessions (aka novels) he began to admit to a high level of sek-sual activity. Dig, dig, dig, pry, pry, pry. Himbo FINALLY admits that he's slept with nearly every Match.com date he's had in the past years and that although he lost count in the 100s, it's a lot.

WHAT?! Okay, so Himbo is now ManWhoor and I'm CONVINCED that he's trying to impress me with his sexual prowess and virility. Until I get secondary confirmation a la mutal friends that yes, ManWhoor is the dirtiest dick in the greater Minneapolis St Paul area.

Fine. But what about all these loosey goosey ladies that he found himself in compromising positions with? How did he find so many that would be with him, in the biblical sense? Was he really that good at the game? Were they really that horny? (Now that I'm 31 I admit the latter may have been the answer.)

All that above, take what you will from it, but apparently Match.com can be synonymous with AFF.com (don't go there from your work computer) and it sounds to me, Cack, like you got a guy that thought he was on par with ManWhoor.

But that's just me and my charming cynical nature assuming that no guy would ever be that attentive right away without an alterior motive.

Carry on, anon but beware the ManWhoor,
-kat

**FOOTNOTE!! ANON! You said you met him on the "internet" in your question. With today's advanced marketing and technology savvy - there are a few places on the World Wide Web to meet men. As mentioned above, AFF.com is one of those. Can you please (and thank you) provide clarity into the site upon which you found ManWhoor?

No Fairy Tales Here, My Friends


First a few housekeeping Items (Please note: I want to sing out "Housekeeping" in a high pitched sing-songy voice):

*Sorry for the time away from the laptop - I was workasaurus rex last week at a conference and during the 3 free minutes a day I had - I returned calls and emails from my customers. Call me crazy.

*We got an email, a good one I would say and I'll address it below. But not before addressing one of his points - The blog seems to have moved a bit away from its intended purpose and we will try to right the ship by giving guys advice about the inner workings of girls not trying to fix the inner mixed-up workings of you guys. Plus I find crazy chicks way funnier than asshole guys.

So, the letter today was from a guy we'll call Tigger. I won't cut and paste the entirety of the email but it goes a little something like this (again, I want to sing, what the fuck?):

Boy meets two girls. Boy is currently on the metaphorical teeter-totter with two girls. Girls are on polar opposite sides of the spectrum from personality to accessibility - thus boy brain devises scheme in which he gets ass and sass from Girl 1 (whom he aptly names Mulan) and gets intelligence and potential companionship from Girl 2 (whom he, again, aptly names Belle).

Let me give you a quick snippet of a few things I know about these girls and see if cutting out the bullshit makes it more apparent:

Mulan On their very first meeting, Mulan shares religious beliefs, a propensity for swinging, having sex on first dates, past history of her STDs and her love of World of Warcraft. And yet this vixen, doesn't kiss or canoodle on the first date and informs him on date two in a babyvoice that there's no playtime until 5 weeks into the relationship. (God, I'm ITCHING to scream the issues here right now but I need to build up some suspense as best I can)

Belle She cancelled date number one in order to spend the evening with the animal she'd adopted that very day. She then rescheduled the date for later in the same week. She set a time allotment for the date and exceeded it by 3 times and ended it with a kiss on the lips and a thank you text afterwards. She was upfront about her busy schedule and her recent move from out of state. She's been non-commital, yet flirtly, about date #2.

Oh my god, this is too easy.

Tigger, get your fucking head out of your ass on the Mulan front. She's a god-damned nutcase. First of all, she told you she's into swinging and has had STDs and then she won't fuck you for 5 weeks? You can be a lot of things, Tigger, in the name of getting laid but you can't be the science project to see if this chick can shake the Slut Gene. Because you know what? She can't. She flip-flops from being promiscuous with others to being chaste with you. If she was truly trying to clean up her dirty coot she would NEVER EVER tell you about those times. EVER. She sounds like she'd be fun in bed, sure, but depends how much you enjoy open sores and burning urination. Stop the Tigger Train, avoid Mulan Station and save yourself before this gets any further. Jesus.

Now, assuming we're all in agreement that Mulan is firmly in the past, I have a few thoughts on Belle.

I can't remember if I'd written this here on the site or not but I've said it to my guy friends a million times. I think that there are a lot of girls on Match that use it, not to find a boyfriend, but use it to find a date. This can be tough for those guys out there that are honestly hoping for love but in reality, its an online shopping tool and an ego boost wrapped in one. I think that maybe Belle is one of these girls (not a slam by the by, I've been this girl too) and here is why:

*She's newly moved to town from out of state. Why? Who was there? Why didn't he come? I think women often times undertake massive life changes after massive heartbreak. I'm not even the giving sort and I filled out a Peace Corps application once. Big moves, big changes can often relate to big breakups. NOT ALWAYS, I know, but sometimes...

*She's a workaholic. So are Jess and I, but we still make time for the man we want to see when we want to see him. My thoughts are she's got up her defenses and fences for that matter and usually that's due to protection of thine fragile heart.

*She just adopted a pet. Many times feline or canine love is just want the doctor ordered.

I'm merely reading beneath the surface here but my thoughts are that Belle is rebuilding her world. So tread carefully, give her space, keep you fingers crossed that you'll see her again but don't stop dating girls (other than Mulan) until you get a clearer picture from her.

So Tigger, I hope that helps. If not, tell 'Roo and Piglet to come over and we'll have some beers.

Bounce on,
-kat

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Rescue Me

I guess the one request / requirement / piece of advice I forgot to mention throughout my many diatribes lately is one that I didn't even thought bore repeating: don't be rude.

This past weekend, I was absolutely blown away by the rudeness of a man I went on a date with -- and I'm still so stunned speechless by it that I don't even know how to detail it out, other than to say, he won't be getting so much as a returned text message from me ever again, and it's pretty easy to lose complete interest in somebody when they act like such a jackass. His number / email address were deleted from my crackberry before the door hit me in the ass on the way out.

Let me repeat in case you missed it the first time: Don't be rude.

And I don't buy any argument that you didn't know it was rude. Unless you are feral or were raised by wolves, you know the difference between good and bad manners, common courtesy and jackhole behavior. Because you've at least FAKED IT well enough to get to the point of an in-person meeting (and actually, this was a SECOND date).

We do have feelings, you know.

And no matter how confident, charming, ballsy, funny, and strong we may appear, underneath it all, we're just girls. Girls who like a boy and are hoping he likes us back. When you cut me, I still bleed. It still smarts when the cute boy doesn't like me, and even though the next day I might crack up about it with my girlfriends, and write funny/scathing emails to my co-workers, in that moment -- sitting at the bar, with my tail tucked between my legs, it hurts. In 24 hours, it won't be a big deal, but in the moment? Ouch.

Don't be rude.

Luckily, my evening had a happy ending, the kind that can only come from being rescued by a friend, somewhat of a knight in shining armour... one that has clearly been reading up and taking notes. The stench of Bad Date was quickly washed away.

Sugar and spice,
~Jess

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Question of the Day

Question of the day --

How do guys just FORGET to call?

I think that this is a myth. I think "I forgot" or "I got busy" is guycode for "I just really don't like you that much."

Yet... lately I've been hearing this gripe from the world of online dating.

"We guys have to make all the moves. Why is it so one sided? Why don't the women ever initiate?"

Uhhhh... wellllllllllllllllllll.

I don't know about you ladies, but personally, I like to be chased a bit. I touched on this in our original response to Tony, Toni, Tone, and I'll say it again -- when did all the men become women? I spend most of my life making decisions, having choices, being forceful and strong, courageous and bold... managing my house, my dog, my career, my finances, my car, and STILL managing to look cute and have dinner on the table (even if it's just for me).

When it comes to my love life -- or at least the first few dates of it -- I want YOU to come after ME.

Repeat:
I WANT YOU TO COME AFTER ME.

If you don't, I'll assume you're not interested. It's just that simple. And frankly, I've dated enough to know that when you DON'T have that chase? Ahem, boys?

You get bored really damn fast.

It's like we've gotta keep you on your toes or you get distracted by a bright shiny new object.

(aka, T & A).

Don't disappear to The Island of Lost Men, only to half-assedly reappear -- case in point, I got an email today from a guy I'd totally written off. We went out a week and a half ago, had what I thought was a great time and a promising connection, exchanged several texts over the next few days, and then...........

~crickets~

He totally went dark. Complete radio silence. Until tonight -- when I get an email:

"How's it going? Thought you'd enjoy a couple of pictures from the show I went to. Hope you're doing well."

Uhhhhhh.

I don't even know what to do with that. Men? Women? I'm curious as to your thoughts. What do I DO with that? Is that an invitation to restart the courting process? Just a conversation? Did he really think I wanted 2 lame pictures of the stage of a show I wasn't it, put on by a band I've never heard of and don't give a shit about? And if it IS supposed to be a gateway back into a second date, then how about, "Hey, wanna go out this weekend?"

Does. Not. Compute.



I really wish somebody could explain this phenomenon to me of wishy washyness. And how much should we women indulge this? I mean, is it really as simple as "man as hunter goes after what he wants, if he doesn't go after it, he doesn't want it"? Or are there mitigating circumstances?


Disinterested, or douchebag?

Discuss.

Sugar and spice (with vodka this time, please)
~Jess

Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Single Gal's Advice

It's been The Kat Show for a couple of days around here -- apparently one side affect of my profound Seasonal Affect Disorder is the inability to be funny. I have a few dating theories and thoughts about Mars & Venus I'd like to test out, but I don't think right now is the appropriate time. So for now, hot off the dating scene, you get some advice from a tried and true single gal.

1) Call when you say you're going to call. If you say "I'll call you on Sunday," that's what I thnk is happening. I know that in your guybrain, that means "Eh, I"ll call you sooner or later, whenever I'm thinking about it," but in my girlbrain, it means I'm scheduled into your PDA. If you don't want to call me, don't say you're going to call. Once you set expectations, I start to wonder why those expectations aren't being met. So do us all a favor, and be accountable.

As somebody wise once wrote:

"Calling when you say you're going to is the very first brick in the house you're building of love and trust. If he can't lay this one stupid brick down, you aint never gonna have a house baby. And it's cold outside."

1a) If we've had sex, by all means, you need to call me within the next 24 hours, or you are a certifiable douchebag, and I'll probably never speak to you (let alone sleep with you) again. If I DO have such little self-respect to grace you with the pleasure of my company after such douchebaggery, then frankly, I deserve to be treated a little bit like crap. Men -- a quality woman won't even respond to this type of behavior. If you're looking at vetting out a possible long-term relationship, you've done so right there.

Alas, we teach others how to treat us.

2) Pick the restaurant. Better yet, pick a couple and let me choose... it makes me feel like I'm getting to go somewhere of my choosing, but it prevents me from having to do the mental rundown and stress about where YOU'D like to go. Ideally, have this picked out before you even pick up the phone to call (and yes, I said call -- none of that texting garbage -- we covered that a few days ago). Nobody likes the awkward "Uh, I dunno, where od you want to go?" If I can offer you one word of advice, it's to talk to a female friend or relative approximately your age, and ask her for THREE suggestions of good first date spots for dinner/ drinks. Keep those in your arsenal. Shit, put them on speed dial. You'll look like a rock star every time you need a reservation, and with that trifecta of hot spots in your palm, you'll always have a good suggestion for a first date.

3) Open the door, take her coat, pay the bill. Sigh. I don't really care whether or not a guy opens doors for me, but what I HATE is when the guy doesn't GET to the door fast enough to open it for me, but then does that "chivalric guy fumble," where he tries to get to the door before me. Either I stand there in front of the door, not opening it and looking like a dumbass, or I fling it open in such a way that your manhood is compromised and you think "damn, she won't even let me open the door." Be one step ahead. Help me take my coat off and on -- it's sweet. And a firm hand on the middle / lower back as you let me walk ahead of you while the hostess seats us... well, that just sends chills down my spine.

And the bill comes. Fellas, this one just isn't up for discussion. It's the first date. PAY. Do not let me. I'll offer, and if you let me, I'll split it with you without hesitation, but on the first date, or th first FEW dates... PAY THE BILL. Trust me, this will always make you look good. After several dates, she'll probably start reciprocating or splitting it with you (or at least, I will, and most of my girlfriends will as well). If she doens't... then it's up to you how to proceed. Either you decide she's a golddigger and dump her, or you talk about it, or you happily keep picking up the check knowing that she's the best investment you've ever made.

4) Let me help you too. I think it's awesome that there are men in my life who will clean my gutters, mow the lawn, insulate my attic, and hang the curtains if necessary. Truthfully, I can do most of that stuff myself, I'd just rather not. That said, I take great pride and joy in the girlie aspects of my life (clothing, cooking, home decor, entertaining), and as the woman in your life, I want to help you with that stuff. One of the most wonderful things a past boyfriend once asked me to do was to help him grocery shop in such a way that he could make healthy food at home. YES! Just like you like to show love by doing things for me, I like to show love (and feel very appreciated!) when you let me share my knowledge and abilities as well.

5) Tell me I'm pretty. Or beautiful. Sometimes I want to be told I'm hot, sexy, incredible... but nothing warms my heart like the word pretty. And nothing makes me feel more confident around you than knowing you are happy to have me on your arm. That confidence, in turn, makes me a lot more fun to be around, and a lot less crazy when we're not together.

That's all I've got for tonight -- The Office is on, and it's hard to write about romance with a 46" Michael Scott holding up a blue satin eye pillow on pause on my TiVo.
Check back later this week for thoughts on my Sexistential Crisis, Sexpectations, and The Singlehood Bell Curve.

Sugar and spice,
~Jessica



How Is She NOT Crazy?

As I sit here in yet another airport, during yet another week on the road, I find that I'm experiencing an irritation that may very well make me crazy. Its one of those irritating, grating things that starts in the middle of your stomach with a clenching and an unscratchable itch. Its progresses to the point where you have to flex and unflex various parts of your body in hopes of releasing the tension that is building in your entire being. Deep breaths, lean your head back, close your eyes, clench, unclench, clench, unclench. My breathing is getting shallower, I'm starting to hit what feels like a breaking point...I might whack my own head against the trash can next to me or I may just scream at the guy to my left.

Chomp, chomp, chomp, chomp, sluuuurp, smack, chomp. His gum chewing is so loud and so wet and so pervasive (flex and unflex fingers, didn't help) that I can't escape it. I moved to the only other free seat, about 5 seats away. Still hear it. Chomp, chomp, chomp, spit sloshing, chomp. ARG.

"The housing crisis really seems to be causing problems." (Genius at work)

"Really, $15 for checking my bag. I fly your airline all the time, this is ridiculous!" (Ahem, close your mouth, you don't fly it all the time, if you did you'd be elite and you wouldn't have to pay, shut up)

"Sweetie, don't worry about forgetting your jacket, we'll just buy another when we land." (Really but you can't afford $15 to check your bag?)

"Chomp, slurp, smack, swallow, chomp, chomp, chomp!"

This woman next to him seems completely oblivious to the fact that she's sitting next to the world's loudest gum-chewing IDIOT ass.

How is she NOT crazy? Is she numb? Is she deaf?

Can I say something like "Shut the fuck up"?

I wish you could see him. Let me paint the picture if I can.

He's sitting stretching all 5'6" of himself as long as he can, hands clasped behind his balding noggin, old school glasses a la Chevy Chase in Vacation, bushy beard and mustache (that I'm hoping his gum gets stuck in), navy suit with a tie on, tie falling sadly to the side of his enormous belly, feet stretched long out in front (blocking the way for anyone who might want to pass), dress pants far too short, bad loafers, argyle socks.

He makes me want to kill myself to get out of my misery. And yet the woman sitting next to him stays there. Is likely his mate...

I guess there is someone for everyone in this world.

CHOMP, CHOMP ARGGGGGGGGGGGGG

Clench clench clench...

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Crazy In Love


Although I'm really not a fan of Beyonce - I think she's onto something here. While out for a couple of tasty and refreshing adult beverages with a friend of mine the other day we started to explore the phenomenon of "Cool Chick I'm Dating -> 'I Love You' -> Nutjob Girlfriend"

Apparently, this sort of about-face is not an uncommon occurrence which is a little scary and could definitely be why many intelligent, crazy chick-fearing guys don't say it for a long while into a relationship.

So, I put on my crazy hat and started to noodle on this. Why in the world would girls get crazier after hearing a declaration like that? It truly goes against my theory: insecurity is the root of all crazy.

Is it because they were undercover flat-out crazies acting like normal chicks until they "snagged" a dude and then felt like they could show their true colors?

Is it because they are now in a relationship that is more serious than they've anticipated so they've moved into the oh-so-cowardly out of "I'll treat him like shit til he dumps me to avoid guilt and second-guessing"?

As you can see, I came up with an option or two but I'm still just not feeling like we've gotten to the root of this evil. So I'm requesting an email or two (or a dozen for proof by numbers) from someone who's dated the mighty morphing crazy girl -- or better yet, someone who's been her. (I will protect the identities of both the innocent and the evil)

Help me out here...thoughts from the peanut gallery?

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Married To It.

Dear Chicks,

I was sitting at the bar with my buddy, who happens to be happily married. I think his lady might be a bit looney. Please let me know if I am on target or off-base.

Okay so here is an example:

"Buddy" wants to go out to "Drink" in Mpls with some buddies for a night on the town. His old lady does not want him to go because all of the young girls will be hanging all over him asking for free drinks and more. Now let me clue you in....my buddy while a good guy is 35 yrs old about 5'10", 250# and nothing about him says Sugar Daddy. And to top it off, he loves his wife and would not cheat. I am thinking that perhaps she was one of these young girls one time and used the "older" guys for drinks and more.

Has Buddy married a crazy?


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dear "Buddy,"

I'm not sure if I can answer this question because frankly? I'm so dumbfounded by why anybody would willingly go to DRINK that I can't quite focus.

Oh, wait -- you're men. And there's young, scantily clad flesh there to look at.

Got it. Right-o, then.

Here's the bottom line -- Buddy isn't in a healthy marriage. And it's really a chicken or egg question as to whether or not she's a nutter, or he's a douchebag, or both. It could go either way, and I'd need more intricate knowledge of the relationship in order to answer appropriately -- but the bottom line? Something's gotta give, and something's gotta change.

Scenario #1: Buddy and Wifey have been married for several years. He's cheated on her in the past, or at the very least, has an eye that wanders just short of the point of cheating. That's bound to make any woman feel insecure, and usually is indicative of a larger, more serious issue.

Scenario #2: Buddy and Wifey have been married for several years, but life and children and jobs and other stressors have made their relationship less smokin' and more chokin'. She's in sweatpants (aka "I give up" pants), all day, nagging at him, and he's constantly rolling his eyes and fleeing to the basement to play XBOX and drink beer while she's forced to take care of the responsibilities. They are living like roommates and not lovers and have stopped having sex. He can't figure out how to put his @#$% socks in the hamper or dishes in the dishwasher, and she's usually drunk by 8 PM, asleep on her side of the bed, in a long-sleeved t-shirt and flannel pants.

Scenario #3: Buddy and Wifey have been married for several years. She's perhaps a bit younger than he is, and she used to be quite the hot ticket -- she was out on the town all the time whne they were younger, which is how she snagged Buddy in the first place. Buddy absolutely adores her, and has never given her any reason to doubt him. She is high maintenance, dramatic, goes out with her girlfriends frequently, is controlling in the bedroom in terms of when, where, and what, and basically, has him on a short leash. He tries to flee to have some fun, and she flips (nevermind that Buddy had to go to Uptown to pick up her and her trashed friends at Drink last weekend).

Scenario #4: Buddy and Wifey have been married for several years. They have a happy relationship. They are still having plenty of sex and fun together -- she has no reason not to trust him. Wifey is a nutter, insecure, harpy, and doesn't trust Buddy at all. In a few months, she'll hack into his email account, facebook, myspace and every other possible internet account he has. When he's asleep, she'll go through the call log and text messages on his cell, just to see if anything is suspicious. Finally, she'll find something remotely "off," confront him, and he'll flip out at her stalkerish behavior. She'll insist that if he doesn't have anything to hide, he shouldn't care that she went through his stuff. He'll start hiding more, because he's afraid that at the first sign of A WOMAN SHE'S NEVER MET having any contact with him whatsoever, she'll spontaneously combust.

And so it goes.

Sigh.

People, do you really want to be in an insecure relationship?? In case it's taken you more than a nanosecond to answer that question, let me step in: NO, you don't. I can tell you that from experience, because I've been there. And in the chicken-and-egg scenario, let me make it perfectly clear that confident, stable, sane women don't intensely suspect their man unless they are given a reason to -- and if you've REALLY done nothing suspect, you're probably with a nutter. Or, at least, you're with somebody you don't wanna be with.

My ex-boyfriend used to LOVE IT when guys would hit on me out on the town. Why? Because he knew, with 100% certainty, that I would never cheat on him; that I was fully faithful (it is important to note here that this is an EX boyfriend, so my fidelity was less about how awesome he was (ahem, assjacket), and more about the fact that I'm just not the cheating type -- regardless, he knew he could trust me).

I didn't love it quite as much when women hit on him, namely because I felt like he was always LOOKING to be hit on; seeking out attention from women, like I wasn't enough -- not pretty enough, not interesting enough, and not worthy enough of his adoration -- because he indirectly told me so, all the time, with his actions (inactions?).

I'd never felt that level of insecurity with a man (or any aspect of my life, for that matter) before, and I've never felt it since -- case in point, it wasn't a healthy relationship.

But I do know what a healthy relationship looks like -- I know that it's about being able to be your own people while coming together to enhance each others lives. I know it's about sometimes going your separate ways on a Friday night, knowing that you're coming home to each other. I know that it's about being with somebody who helps you to be the very best version of yourself, and you help them do the same.

The next guy I dated? I LOVED it when other girls flirted with him -- loved it when my friends and everybody else commented on how awesome he was. Love love loved it. I knew he was awesome, and I wanted everybody else to realize it too. He never once gave me a reason to doubt him, and I never did. In my heart of hearts, I knew my ex wasn't groovin' on me the way I needed to be grooved. I knew he had one foot out the door... and women... we usually KNOW.

So tell Buddy to sit down Wifey. Tell her how much he loves her. Tell her that just like she needs nights with the girls, he needs nights with the guys. That when he's out with the guys, there's nothing dirty going on... that he can't wait to come home and be with her.

It will go far... maybe not far enough to result in fishnets and a french maid costume, but certainly far enough to get her off his back so he can belly up to the bar with the boys, nag-free.

Sugar and Spice,
~Jess

Merry Chickmas and Happy Hanchickuh

I'm not a big fan of statistics because 1) I constantly forget the exact numbers b) I don't trust numbers that can be manipulated to prove a point and iii) 50% of statistics are made up (tee hee) but I heard a comment (maybe a stat) once that went something like this:

50% of all single women instigate relationships in late November and end them in mid February.

(I made up the 50% but I think it was something that made us look more desperate than that)

But it totally made sense to me and I couldn't believe I'd never come up with that little scheme myself. Presents, a date to parties, someone to love me in my post-holiday muffin top, hang tight through Blue Monday, stick it out to Valentines Day and ouila! The perfect Holiday Dating Coup.

But then I thought about it a bit more and realized that I could never pull that off for a few reasons:
1) I can't pretend to like anything I don't - I simply don't know how
2) I like being alone better than being with most people
3) Karmically, I'd meet the man of my dreams while in the middle of said coup (that shit just happens to me)

But I thought it might be fun to list the ways that good guys can avoid getting scooped up as the poor sucker to some girls insecurity during the holidays.

*If you meet her online and her profile states "Looking for that special someone to share life's turkey dinners and boxes of chocolates" Buyer Beware

*If your first date consists of attending a couple's Baby Jesus Shower complete with shower games and lacking booze (even some tasty 'nog), you can bet you're her HoliSchmuck. No one would do that to someone they liked.

*...I can't concentrate, I'm too busy watching MSNBC - I can't stop. Its going to be a long day. Go Vote! And then come back and help me with this...

*Uhhh...huuuuhhhhh. I want to say something about having the full collection of 25 years of Santabears but I just keep on seeing Sarah Palin and thinking she's Tina Fey.

Get out the vote,
-kat

Monday, November 3, 2008

We Can't Do This Alone

As much as I like to think that I've got plenty of material to write an epic novel about chicks crazy antics or guys bringing the crazy out of chicks or guys wondering how to deal with girls in general, I don't. And this isn't about me. This is about you. You nearly 600 people who have been reading our bloggity blog. So tomorrow before or after you "Get Out the Vote" you should also "Get Out the Crazy" and shoot us an email. chicksonchicks@gmail.com

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Go Text Yourself

I had dinner last night with a few girlfriends -- all of us single and dating, save for one married gal -- and a major topic that came up over dinner is that of text messaging and it's appropriateness in the dating world.

Now, certainly once a friendship or relationship is established, things don't have to be as formal -- but I am of the mindset that asking a girl out -- or breaking a date, for that matter -- via text message is the cellular version of "winking" on match.com -- ie, gutless, spineless, and lazy.

Let me explain to you the way that girlbrain works in this situation -- most of us (I refuse to categorically classify "ALL WOMEN" as like this, because certainly all are not), make PLANS. On Wednesday, we usually want to know what we're doing on Friday and Saturday night. MOST of us would like to have a date with YOU, or at least the "you du jour," but we also don't want to be left hangin' without plans. Which means -- by the time Wednesday night rolls around, if I don't have a date, you can bet that I'm making some plans with friends for the weekend, OR I'm intentionally making plans to stay in and relax and get some sleep in an effort to have a productive Saturday and/or Sunday.

What does this mean? It means that you should probably do the askin' on Tuesday or Wednesday for a weekend date -- again, with the caveat -- in the beginning.

And preferrably? Don't TEXT to ask a girl out. Pick up the phone, ask like a gentleman, and then YOU do the planning.

(At least in the beginning).

Don't be askin' me where I want to eat or what I want to do, unless you are presenting me with a few options from which to choose -- that's actually awesome, because if you suggest something I loathe, I can simply state a preference for the other option.

Of the two best dates I've had in the last year, one made all the plans and told me where to be and when, and the other gave me a few options and then picked me up (coincidentally, both dates took place at the Bryant Lake Bowl in Uptown, Minneapolis, which I highly recommend for a 1st or 2nd date).

Not all women will like this, but I LOVE it, for reasons mentioned in previous posts.

After a few dates, certainly it's fine to text "hey, wanna grab a movie" Or "hey, can we do tomorrow night instead of tonight?" A well-placed "hey, I'm running late, be there in 15!" is MORE than acceptable, because it shows that you are aware that you're not on time... And certainly, random texts throughout the day, just to let the girl know you're thinking about her, are always welcome and might even score you some brownie points. :-)

But I'm about as low maintenance as they come, and so are my friends, and we all expressed frustration with the texting-of-plans-scenario.

There is a time and a place for texting, but it shouldn't take 100% of the place of a phone call -- or even an email -- or face to face interaction.

Now, when it comes to BREAKING plans, this is a huge no-no. I mean, it's one thing to text the instant you find out that you have to break a date (to give her a chance to make other plans), and then follow up with a phone call later, but to break a date via text with no follow-up whatsoever? I want to SMACK the woman that grants you a second date. Because frankly, that's just rude -- and the more women enable that kind of behavior, the more acceptable it becomes. Frankly, I think we've enabled it a little too much, which is where the whole problem comes from.

This might all sound awfully naggy and nit-picky, but it really isn't -- even the most down to earth woman wants to feel PURSUED every once in a while, like you're workin' for it just a little bit.

After all, we're off waxing our pink parts, applying makeup, getting nails done, shaving our legs, picking out cute outfits and wearing matching lingerie all in the HOPES that you're not a douchebag and we have a reason to make it all worthwhile -- and the way to ensure that we'll let you see the fruits of our labor is to take part in the chase.

WORK for it, guys. Make some effort, put it out there, and I guarantee you'll be rewarded.

Sugar and spice,
~Jess