I was recently given the advice that the best relationships are those where the man loves the woman just a little bit more.
Discuss.
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Chick Decoders, Kat & Jess
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6 comments:
I don't think you can measure who loves whom more. I think that everyone shows their love in different manners and due to that, you can never get in someone else's head to know if someone is more or less in love with you than you are with them.
I think there are guys out there that are great at loving women and loyal to them always but may be more likely to hang your curtains than write you a sonnet. But that doesn't mean they love you any more or any less than you love them.
I also believe that women can be pros at pretending to be more in love with someone than they are in hopes of convincing themselves or that person that things are perfect. Those guys can walk away thinking that these women love them more than they love these women.
Or there's the scenario where people stop guessing or wondering and just sit back and relax and let love happen. That's when I think the magic happens.
Just my two cents...
I don't know if this is true, but I'd like to experiment. I think I've always loved my husband more and it kinda sucks at times. I want to be worshiped.
As unpopular as it may sound, I agree a little bit. Women are by nature more relationship-focused. While men value relationships, they don't play the same role as they do in the lives of women. So, finding a man who digs you a bit more may actually even out the equation a bit.
Basically, men are intrinsically a little relationship-retarded, so why not score one who's a little more functional than the rest.
Hmm...Interesting idea. I have been in one relationship where he loved me more, and one in which I loved him more, and both situations ended because of my discomfort with the situation. I'm with Kat that you can't really "measure" love, but I also think its pretty clear when one person is more into the other. And it just doesn't seem fair, ultimately, to either party. It seems like either way you would end up feeling selfish, insecure, sad, mad, etc...
My stance on this wavers between Kat's and Anonymous's -- here's why.
I think that women, generally speaking, will MAKE IT WORK when they meet somebody they love and want to build a future with, whereas men need to be TOTALLY smitten in order to commit fully to a woman. That's at least been my experience.
Since I personally am not a believer in the storybook definition of "soul mate," rather I believe there's a handful of people out there that we're each compatible with, whereas most men I've met seem to be holding out for "the one."
But I guess I don't think that means that the man loves the woman more than the woman loves the man, just that perhaps they have different opinions of how to define love and companionship / partnership.
On the other hand, as Kat said, I think the best relationships are the ones where you forget the scorekeeping, let the cards fall where they may, and enjoy yourself.
Why does it matter? I think that, whether man or woman, if you're in a relationship where one partner "loves more" than another, it is a recipe for a failed relationship. Perhaps that sounds cynical but I think it makes sense and here's why ...
As Holly wrote "I've always loved my husband more and it kinda sucks at times. I want to be worshiped." This is my first point, the one that "loves more" will probably be left feeling, in this order, unappreciated, then inadequate, and finally resentful towards their partner.
Naysayers will undoubtedly argue that this doesn't always happen. To that I say, "Correct-a-mundo!" Then I send all my admiration and respect to those couples that have perpetually captured the all elusive 'spark' allowing them to maintain their relationship dynamic. If that specifc dynamic allows one to love their partner more and allows for both partners to be ok with that, well, kudos to them. Perhaps they can serve as role-models to the rest of us on how they did it.
However, no matter how role-modelish they might be to us lay people of relationships, they are few and far between. Many of us are still looking to that ultimate dynamic. You know, the one that knocks you off your feet because, for whatever reason, this relationship has the balance you need from all three legs of the stool (see that one post one of you ladies wrote about the Home Ec class story). This is the relatinship that says to you "Hey, dumbass, don't F^*K this up!"
Perhaps the sad reality is, for many of us we do not realize what the "it" is that actually will provide us that balance or relationship dynamic and/or we do not understand that the dynamic we need is happening when it does. (The latter certain to leave you with distinct retrospective feelings of "Doh!").
No, instead I put forth that, for the majority of persons, one partner that "loves more" simply allows the loving more partner to stay in it longer than they should have. Yep, that's right, unless that is something that both partners explicitly or impliedly have agreed to and want, all loving more will do is allow one partner to fool themselves for longer than they should have. I argue the relationships that work best are those based on transparency and good timing. I argue this because well, choosing to be with someone is, in my opinion, the MOST important decision you can make in your life. You should be picky. You should get what you want. You should want to be with that person (and you should know they want to be with you). So I argue that you love the way you want to love. Not more, or less. But you should take inventory of where you are at. If your love is not what your partner wants or giving your love leaves you feeling inadequate or resentful, then get the F*&k out!
Oh, and if you are of the type of person that find yoruself saying that the timing is never right and the right partner never seems to find you, stop it! For one you annoy me. Moreso however, you are just a huge wuss. Stop making excuses, step it up, and take control your own relationship destiny.
Wish you the best. PEACE!!
Oh yeah ... hey kat (and jess), nice site. Hope all's well.
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