Nice Guys Finish Last...Or Never Start At All

Dear Chix:

Lately, there's been a recurring theme among the girls I've dated, and that is that a lack of propulsion in the physical relationship has repeatedly sunk my boat. I liked these girls, but I guess there is one thing that I just don't get. People expect sex on the third date. I enjoy sex just as much as the next person but by the third date I hardly even know that person. I just don't grasp what the rush is. I would much rather take my time getting to know someone before I decide if I want to sleep with them and thus make the sex more meaningful. I guess I am old fashioned because I see sex as more that just sex. Am I wrong for thinking that way? Is there no one else out there who thinks like me? Am I obsolete? I am naive in this whole dating rules/expectations game and I am disappointed that the physical aspect of a relationship trumps all else and becomes a deal breaker. I am seeking advice...

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Okay, Nice Guy, before I go all sex therapist on your ass, I want to say thanks for giving me something to think about today other than Inaugural Fashions and The Biggest Loser. This has been a long week and giving you some MUCH NEEDED perspective on your "problems" is just what I need today.

So, I just read this and thought to myself "If I were sitting across the table from this guy and he just told me this story, I would set down my beer, purse my lips, furrow my brow and say 'Have you made it to first base yet?'" So, Nice Guy, let's take a step back from "Sex on the 3rd Date" expectations and ask the real question...Have you put your tongue in her mouth/ear/cleavage/pink parts by the 3rd date?

Because if you haven't - if you're using "sex" as a metaphor for any sort of physical activity here, then we have one issue. If you're very consistently getting to first base, then onto hitting doubles, even eeking out a triple here and there - and these girls are still jumping ship due to lack of action - then we have a different issue.

Although I don't know what the answer is here...I like to give most of my female counterparts a fair shake. So that said, I don't think that girls bail on guys who don't want to have sex right away. I think they bail on guys who don't want to have sex (or make out or kiss or anything) at all. So, I'll proceed with the belief that the lack of sex is also a lack of heavy petting and oral olympics. K? K. Cool.

So nice guy, my advice to you is this - stick to your morals! Wait to have sex until you're in a relationship with someone you like/love/adore. BUT - in the course of dating, you MUST also show the girl that you're attracted to her. That you're going to be progressing the relationship both emotionally AND physically. Some people don't like to kiss on the first date, which is perfectly fine. But you have to kiss on the second date. A third date needs to progress - not to sex - but how about some passionate kissing and maybe a tit grab? Don't worry, you're not objectifying us!! We like it! We feel attractive and desired!!!! And do you know what happens when we don't feel desired and attractive? We jump ship. Sex or no sex on the 3rd date.

But we're all big kids here - so if you're thinking about waiting until you're married or some other such nonsense (sorry God) then you owe it to someone to tell them that upfront. Because I can tell you, that would be a deal breaker for me.

Why? Well, its a well known fact that I'm a ridiculous hornball. But also, its been my experience that guys that want to wait usually have some "issue". See: premature load-blowing, teeny weinies, STDs, etc (Let the onslaught begin)

And so Nice Guy, there you go. If you're King Cunnilingulus on Date 3 and Lady Lovely still bolts for the door due to no hot beef injection - you're dating the wrong girls and stop picking up chicks on AFF.com.

Warm regards and bed sheets,
-kat