Jess' Take on Internet Dating (Subtitled: Dating Tony)

Having actually had the benefit of dating "Tony," I feel I have some insight into this topic -- and ladies, I will tell you, he is a catch! Smart, cute, funny, kind, and a fun guy to hang out with (and, a good kisser to boot, and even made me dinner once). All of that said, I think he might be a classic case of what I addressed in my last entry: the guy who ditches a perfectly awesome woman (ahem), in favor of a younger woman who is slightly crazy.

I'll tell you about Tony on a date -- he's the guy who will pull out your chair, buy your dinner, tell you that your messy, silly ponytail is super sexy, and make plans while ON the date to see you again. He'll kiss you in public, at the bar perhaps, and have the boldness to tell you he's been wanting to do that all night -- all the stuff that makes most of us melt. There is NO reason not to date this guy -- except for one little thing... and that's that he craves women who need to be fixed in some way -- in fact, the iteration of his profile that DID hook me was one where he confessed that because he's the oldest, he's a natural protector -- and at a time in my life where I was craving a little protection (say nothing about the desire of a man's man, rather than a man that made ME feel like a man), that was super appealing to me.

I've found that online dating IS like the bar scene - except that through the medium of email, perhaps it's a bit easier to make the first move. As a self-proclaimed "alpha female," I'm confident enough to make that move -- but to be honest? I don't really wanna. I spend my days as a woman in a man's world -- making decisions, calling the shots, and generally being in charge. At the end of the day, I know that MY guy will ultimately be the one that can take charge, be the decisive one, and take some of the burden off of me. My overall feeling about match.com and other internet dating experiences is:

"WHEN DID ALL THE MEN BECOME WOMEN???"

That said, I still want a guy who will respect me in the morning, admire my brains and boldness, while letting me live up to the super classy adage of "lady in the street but a freak in the bed."

So here I"ll address some of the points raised in the intro email:

To me, as long as you're not a troll, looks are usually the last piece of the puzzle. Have a good job, an income, a brain, an opinion, and a sense of humor, and now we're talking. I do like 'em tall, and I speak for MOST women when I say that, but I'm not super hung up on looks. Chemistry is much more important, and a sense of confidence that borders cockiness is an aphrodisiac to me -- say nothing of humor. Make me laugh 'til it hurts, and I'm yours.

Why don't the chicks make the first move? Two reasons:

1) scared
2) those of us confident to not be scared are so frickin' sick of it that we could scream.

I'm not a big fan of winking either -- and if and when I've done it, it's out of a desire for you to make the first move. So do it, dude. Sack up, take shot of Jack, and send me an email that makes me laugh and blush. Winking?? NOT HOT. I mean, in this age of instant communication, how lazy do you have to be to WINK instead of taking the 45 seconds to send me a quick email, really?

The pics:
Yes, there is a definite turn-off list for both male and female pictures -- let's start with men:

DO NOT:
1) post pics with your shirts off
2) post pics of you with other women, unless they aren't hot, or you make it blatantly clear that you are related to them
3) if you post a picture with you with a car or motorcycle, forget it. ew.
4) pictures of you with dead animals -- regardless of whether it's obvious that you are fishing or hunting, ew.
5) pictures of you with kids... ehhh, this is obvious, but not a total dealbreaker.

Women? Do not:
1) post pics of you with other men (see#2 above)
2) obviously drunk pics
3) pics with more than 1 cat, or more than 1 yappy dog. if you post a pic with a yappy dog, please make fun of your dog a little bit, while indicating that you love them
4) pictures of you with babies or small children -- again, the sentiment is very obvious

Future post might include advice on profile text, but I'll save that for later, because frankly, my elbow hurts.

Key takeaways:
1) Be who you are
2) No need to admit your income -- the girl you want doesn't care, and the guy who flaunts a big income could be seen as making up for other shortcomings
3) Don't be the crazy
4) Don't date the crazy
5) Even the most independent of women want to be the girl sometimes
6) Winking is for pussies
7) The one you want at the end of the day is the one that makes you laugh and smile.

The right girl is out there looking for you too -- and until you find her, just enjoy the ride.

Sugar and spice,
~Jess