Puss by Kat

First of all - Happy Halloween, I guess.

If I have time and energy later - I may not be able to stop myself from a diatribe on why women insist on going out looking like sluts on Halloween. I know you men love Halloween for that reason. I hate it for that reason. But that's neither here nor there right now. I've got easy questions to answer.

Johnny, thanks for making sure I didn't have to strain my brain today. I'm going to call you Chris, is that okay? No? Too bad. (All, Chris' questions are below in the previous email post by my lovely cohort)

First of all, the BarTemptress you've been swooning over. Ah, yes, the secret crush.

The most immediate thing to do would be to make sure your fake ID is awesome because usually they can spot a Junior High student in the bar pretty easily.

Then, think about how she acts around you? Don't know? Then be SURE you're at the bar when very few others are. Go in, spend some time with a beer and an un-busy BarTemptress and then answer these questions.

Does she serve you beers before others? If yes then continue.
Does she look you in eye, touch your arm when talking or laugh at your jokes? If yes then continue.
Does she seem to care about you outside the bar (as in time when you won't be swooning and tipping big)? If yes, then continue
If you've seen her outside the bar - we're in a good place but now is where we get into the negatives...

Does she flirt with other people in front of you (other than old regulars waiting for their with Old Milwaukees with schniblets of jerky in their beards)?
Does she talk about guys she likes/hooks up with/dates to you?

Do you see where I'm heading here? Despite the fact that we say "Yes" when we mean "No" we're actually pretty easy to read when we're interested in someone. If you pay a little bit of close attention to how she acts, handle the situation like a gentleman (treat her well and with respect) and proceed with confidence and style (fun first dates and brush your teeth) then I have no doubt you won't lose your go-to bar.

That's the concern here right? Not whether or not she'll go out with you? Think about that for a minute...yeah. You're right, she probably won't go out with you because you care more about your favorite wateringhole than being with someone you're interested in.

Topic DuJour Part Deux - Ze Female Grooming
(I do not speaka ze Frensch)

Now, Chris, when I read this I IMMEDIATELY think hair removal from pink parts. I did not, even for a second, think about my shampoo habits nor my socks matching so I'll leave that all to Jess.

That said, I've never really believed that there was a link between a chick's pube style and her mental stability. If there are any gynos out there with a distinct interest in starting a sociological (and possibly sociopathic) study group please stand up and identify yourselves. Would the control group be the big bushes? I think so.

The other interesting element is I don't really know what a chick's pube style preference is just by looking at her. But that would be a super cool talent - "Hey! I love your triangle! Where'd you get it!?"

I don't even really know most of my friends choices in styling. Yes, most do wax as discussions around where they go and who they see come up -- but there's a wide spectrum of outcomes from that. I hope never to use the words "wide spectrum" while discussing vaginas again.

Some girls take it all off. Does that mean they're uninhibited and free spirited? Nah.

Some leave a landing strip. Does that imply their love for aeronautics and Cessnas? Probably not.

Others go for a more full-bushed approach. (Ladies, some advice though, if full bushed is your preference, great. Please invest in some trimming tools though. No one likes a shaggy cooter)

Chris, were you just trying to get us to talk about pubes and pink parts? I think so.

But since its out there: If you're the type that expects and appeciates a well-kept coot then please return the favor and manscape yourself!