Go Text Yourself

I had dinner last night with a few girlfriends -- all of us single and dating, save for one married gal -- and a major topic that came up over dinner is that of text messaging and it's appropriateness in the dating world.

Now, certainly once a friendship or relationship is established, things don't have to be as formal -- but I am of the mindset that asking a girl out -- or breaking a date, for that matter -- via text message is the cellular version of "winking" on match.com -- ie, gutless, spineless, and lazy.

Let me explain to you the way that girlbrain works in this situation -- most of us (I refuse to categorically classify "ALL WOMEN" as like this, because certainly all are not), make PLANS. On Wednesday, we usually want to know what we're doing on Friday and Saturday night. MOST of us would like to have a date with YOU, or at least the "you du jour," but we also don't want to be left hangin' without plans. Which means -- by the time Wednesday night rolls around, if I don't have a date, you can bet that I'm making some plans with friends for the weekend, OR I'm intentionally making plans to stay in and relax and get some sleep in an effort to have a productive Saturday and/or Sunday.

What does this mean? It means that you should probably do the askin' on Tuesday or Wednesday for a weekend date -- again, with the caveat -- in the beginning.

And preferrably? Don't TEXT to ask a girl out. Pick up the phone, ask like a gentleman, and then YOU do the planning.

(At least in the beginning).

Don't be askin' me where I want to eat or what I want to do, unless you are presenting me with a few options from which to choose -- that's actually awesome, because if you suggest something I loathe, I can simply state a preference for the other option.

Of the two best dates I've had in the last year, one made all the plans and told me where to be and when, and the other gave me a few options and then picked me up (coincidentally, both dates took place at the Bryant Lake Bowl in Uptown, Minneapolis, which I highly recommend for a 1st or 2nd date).

Not all women will like this, but I LOVE it, for reasons mentioned in previous posts.

After a few dates, certainly it's fine to text "hey, wanna grab a movie" Or "hey, can we do tomorrow night instead of tonight?" A well-placed "hey, I'm running late, be there in 15!" is MORE than acceptable, because it shows that you are aware that you're not on time... And certainly, random texts throughout the day, just to let the girl know you're thinking about her, are always welcome and might even score you some brownie points. :-)

But I'm about as low maintenance as they come, and so are my friends, and we all expressed frustration with the texting-of-plans-scenario.

There is a time and a place for texting, but it shouldn't take 100% of the place of a phone call -- or even an email -- or face to face interaction.

Now, when it comes to BREAKING plans, this is a huge no-no. I mean, it's one thing to text the instant you find out that you have to break a date (to give her a chance to make other plans), and then follow up with a phone call later, but to break a date via text with no follow-up whatsoever? I want to SMACK the woman that grants you a second date. Because frankly, that's just rude -- and the more women enable that kind of behavior, the more acceptable it becomes. Frankly, I think we've enabled it a little too much, which is where the whole problem comes from.

This might all sound awfully naggy and nit-picky, but it really isn't -- even the most down to earth woman wants to feel PURSUED every once in a while, like you're workin' for it just a little bit.

After all, we're off waxing our pink parts, applying makeup, getting nails done, shaving our legs, picking out cute outfits and wearing matching lingerie all in the HOPES that you're not a douchebag and we have a reason to make it all worthwhile -- and the way to ensure that we'll let you see the fruits of our labor is to take part in the chase.

WORK for it, guys. Make some effort, put it out there, and I guarantee you'll be rewarded.

Sugar and spice,
~Jess