Although I'm really not a fan of Beyonce - I think she's onto something here. While out for a couple of tasty and refreshing adult beverages with a friend of mine the other day we started to explore the phenomenon of "Cool Chick I'm Dating -> 'I Love You' -> Nutjob Girlfriend"
Apparently, this sort of about-face is not an uncommon occurrence which is a little scary and could definitely be why many intelligent, crazy chick-fearing guys don't say it for a long while into a relationship.
So, I put on my crazy hat and started to noodle on this. Why in the world would girls get crazier after hearing a declaration like that? It truly goes against my theory: insecurity is the root of all crazy.
Is it because they were undercover flat-out crazies acting like normal chicks until they "snagged" a dude and then felt like they could show their true colors?
Is it because they are now in a relationship that is more serious than they've anticipated so they've moved into the oh-so-cowardly out of "I'll treat him like shit til he dumps me to avoid guilt and second-guessing"?
As you can see, I came up with an option or two but I'm still just not feeling like we've gotten to the root of this evil. So I'm requesting an email or two (or a dozen for proof by numbers) from someone who's dated the mighty morphing crazy girl -- or better yet, someone who's been her. (I will protect the identities of both the innocent and the evil)
Help me out here...thoughts from the peanut gallery?
4 comments:
I will share a not-very-flattering experience of my own that is something along these lines. . .
I didn't become "crazy" after my ex-fiance said "I love you," but I *did* become kinda crazy once we were engaged and especially the closer our wedding date got.
I think for me, the reason I "changed" was that I began to realize that I would be living with his bad habits for THE REST OF MY LIFE and not just for "right now." When I realized these, I had an overwhelming desire to "improve" him ASAP.
Yes, you are probably thinking--as I am--that it's a good thing I called off the wedding. ;-)
Anyway, I think that sometimes we feel more. . . invested in someone once there is a (real or perceived) commitment. To many women, those "3 little words" mean more than just an expression of emotion.
I have to agree with S. I think that once you get to a point where things become "real" and he becomes someone that you want a future with, you start to notice and take note of things that maybe you hadn't thought twice about before. The long hours playing video games become more than just a way to spend an afternoon, they take on new significance as something like S said, you'll have to live with for the rest of your life. I think finding someone who's faults you can live with is way more telling then finding someone you can fall in love with..if that makes any sense.
I think there is also a breed of women who "play perfect" until they feel like they've reeled a guy in, and then start to let their true colors show through -- though I would put those women more in the bitchy/lazy/conniving category than the crazy one (I mean, you've gotta be a little bit smart to be that sneaky).
I think that crazy can be a two-way street. In the begining, everyone's on their best behavior. I think that everyone is a little off (I describe it as regular girl crazy and batshit crazy requiring medication). I don't think that in little bits and pieces, the regular crazy is so bothersome (all in one chunk at the beginning could be horrifying, but I digress).
Anyhow, it could be a 3rd option - girl is not crazy to start with, boy says "I love you" and then thinks he has bought his way out of being a good partner/friend/human being with the all-important love declaration. I consider myself a fairly normal, sane, reasonable person, but have been driven to the crazy by men who give me whiplash with their pull-me-in-push-me-away.
You'll have to forgive the lawyer in me, but I think it's a case-by-case situation. How long has the couple been together? What's their history? Did he say "I love you" as why to get out of trouble for his ex calls 6 times a day? (Ex: "Don't worry about honey, she doesn't mean anything, we're just friends, I LOVE you."
I think that ultimately, the crazy is contingent upon the terms of their relationship. Are there some girls who are just loons? Absolutely. However, it has been my observation that it usually takes 2 people to have a crazy relationship. Perhaps more guys just need to say to their girls (ala Daryl from the Office), "you need to access your uncrazy side."
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