No Fairy Tales Here, My Friends

First a few housekeeping Items (Please note: I want to sing out "Housekeeping" in a high pitched sing-songy voice):

*Sorry for the time away from the laptop - I was workasaurus rex last week at a conference and during the 3 free minutes a day I had - I returned calls and emails from my customers. Call me crazy.

*We got an email, a good one I would say and I'll address it below. But not before addressing one of his points - The blog seems to have moved a bit away from its intended purpose and we will try to right the ship by giving guys advice about the inner workings of girls not trying to fix the inner mixed-up workings of you guys. Plus I find crazy chicks way funnier than asshole guys.

So, the letter today was from a guy we'll call Tigger. I won't cut and paste the entirety of the email but it goes a little something like this (again, I want to sing, what the fuck?):

Boy meets two girls. Boy is currently on the metaphorical teeter-totter with two girls. Girls are on polar opposite sides of the spectrum from personality to accessibility - thus boy brain devises scheme in which he gets ass and sass from Girl 1 (whom he aptly names Mulan) and gets intelligence and potential companionship from Girl 2 (whom he, again, aptly names Belle).

Let me give you a quick snippet of a few things I know about these girls and see if cutting out the bullshit makes it more apparent:

Mulan On their very first meeting, Mulan shares religious beliefs, a propensity for swinging, having sex on first dates, past history of her STDs and her love of World of Warcraft. And yet this vixen, doesn't kiss or canoodle on the first date and informs him on date two in a babyvoice that there's no playtime until 5 weeks into the relationship. (God, I'm ITCHING to scream the issues here right now but I need to build up some suspense as best I can)

Belle She cancelled date number one in order to spend the evening with the animal she'd adopted that very day. She then rescheduled the date for later in the same week. She set a time allotment for the date and exceeded it by 3 times and ended it with a kiss on the lips and a thank you text afterwards. She was upfront about her busy schedule and her recent move from out of state. She's been non-commital, yet flirtly, about date #2.

Oh my god, this is too easy.

Tigger, get your fucking head out of your ass on the Mulan front. She's a god-damned nutcase. First of all, she told you she's into swinging and has had STDs and then she won't fuck you for 5 weeks? You can be a lot of things, Tigger, in the name of getting laid but you can't be the science project to see if this chick can shake the Slut Gene. Because you know what? She can't. She flip-flops from being promiscuous with others to being chaste with you. If she was truly trying to clean up her dirty coot she would NEVER EVER tell you about those times. EVER. She sounds like she'd be fun in bed, sure, but depends how much you enjoy open sores and burning urination. Stop the Tigger Train, avoid Mulan Station and save yourself before this gets any further. Jesus.

Now, assuming we're all in agreement that Mulan is firmly in the past, I have a few thoughts on Belle.

I can't remember if I'd written this here on the site or not but I've said it to my guy friends a million times. I think that there are a lot of girls on Match that use it, not to find a boyfriend, but use it to find a date. This can be tough for those guys out there that are honestly hoping for love but in reality, its an online shopping tool and an ego boost wrapped in one. I think that maybe Belle is one of these girls (not a slam by the by, I've been this girl too) and here is why:

*She's newly moved to town from out of state. Why? Who was there? Why didn't he come? I think women often times undertake massive life changes after massive heartbreak. I'm not even the giving sort and I filled out a Peace Corps application once. Big moves, big changes can often relate to big breakups. NOT ALWAYS, I know, but sometimes...

*She's a workaholic. So are Jess and I, but we still make time for the man we want to see when we want to see him. My thoughts are she's got up her defenses and fences for that matter and usually that's due to protection of thine fragile heart.

*She just adopted a pet. Many times feline or canine love is just want the doctor ordered.

I'm merely reading beneath the surface here but my thoughts are that Belle is rebuilding her world. So tread carefully, give her space, keep you fingers crossed that you'll see her again but don't stop dating girls (other than Mulan) until you get a clearer picture from her.

So Tigger, I hope that helps. If not, tell 'Roo and Piglet to come over and we'll have some beers.

Bounce on,
-kat